A little over a year ago I went to a treatment facility and ran a discussion group for 60 men in a 12 Step program.
One of the men there asked a GREAT question that is all too common.
He asked, “If you teach my family about addiction and what recovery looks like, won’t they be all up in my face? Won’t they get in my business? Ask me, ‘Did you use? Did you drink? Did you talk to your sponsor?’”
After working with hundreds of families, I know there is a twofold truth: families don’t want to manage their loved ones, and their loved ones don’t want to be managed.
This gentleman’s concern was, What are you going to tell my family, and what will they expect from me as a result of what you’re telling them?
There’s so much chaos and turmoil that is built between loved ones, as well as shame, hurt, guilt and fear.
My answer to his question was simple:
The opposite will actually happen. When I teach families about addiction, they STOP getting all up in your business.
Something I’m not sure people are always aware of about me and Tipping Point’s mission is that the primary person our programs are for is the addict. Family is who shows up, but our mission is to help families understand their loved one so everyone can recover.
Because when we all recover together, that’s when recovery lasts.
And your loved one? They want to be understood.
I have people newly in recovery reaching out to me more and more (two in the last week alone) sharing how deeply they want their family to understand them and their recovery, to be able to connect with them more fully.
It’s like I told that man from the treatment facility. I said, “You know something? Your family doesn’t even know that your alcoholism isn’t about alcohol.”
It’s that gap in understanding, that gap in connection, that keeps everyone—the family and their loved one—stuck in a painful cycle.
When you learn about addiction, learn about how it’s a family disease, and learn how you can navigate it alongside your loved one from your own recovery path, that’s when recovery thrives.
We teach you about your person, and we teach you about you.
And it leads to possibilities like this:
“[My husband and I] are living our lives together in a way that is so damn beautiful. It is now second nature for us to speak our truth in our home. There’s so much honesty and so much gratitude. We don’t perseverate on the past or get bogged down too much about the future. We’re present. We’re content. We’re happy. Sure, we get stressed, sad, and scared sometimes, but we don’t run away from those feelings. We share them honestly with each other, and it feels good to feel…We were alone in our pain before Tipping Point. And now we’re doing life together, as a team, as a family that I’m so damn proud of. And I can’t tell you how much we love this life of ours. Thank you.”
If you want this understanding for yourself and your loved one, you can still join us in our comprehensive addiction recovery program, Recover My Family. It started last week, but we can catch you up so you can experience the rest of the 12 weeks with us live.
And if you haven’t yet joined us in our online community, Friends of Tipping Point, jump in now to access all the free trainings and resources we’ve made available for those ready to dive in.