I wanted to share something a friend of mine posted on his Facebook page recently. It really spoke to me and so much of what we do here at Tipping Point Recovery.

“Loving an addict is the cruelest kind of love, you hold steadfast to hope while you have to watch us die in slow motion. Always loving us more than we may ever love ourselves. (And also being hurt and frustrated by us as well.)

“Loving an addict is pain. It’s staying up wondering if you will see us again, wondering if you’ve done something wrong, and wondering why your love isn’t strong enough to make us stop.

“We want you to know that our addiction has nothing to do with you—there’s nothing you could have said or done differently. You’ll blame yourself and that is the last thing we ever want for you to do.

“Understand, we love you, understand none of this is your fault, and know with all of your heart that if we could stop for one person in this whole messed up world, it would be you.”

I want to talk about this for a minute. Especially that third paragraph:

“We want you to know that our addiction has nothing to do with you—there’s nothing you could have said or done differently. You’ll blame yourself and that is the last thing we ever want for you to do.

Those two sentences are what our programs are designed around. It’s not just me who wants you to know that your loved one’s addiction has nothing to do with you. It’s all of us.

It’s universal.

Your loved one’s addiction has nothing to do with you.

Write that down.

Now let’s go back up to the second paragraph:

“Loving an addict is pain. It’s staying up wondering if you will see us again, wondering if you’ve done something wrong, and wondering why your love isn’t strong enough to make us stop.”

This is the way the family is impacted by addiction. This is part of what we mean when we say the family disease of addiction. This is part of your loop. Staying stuck in that pain, stuck in that wondering, stuck in that “Did I do something wrong? Am I enough? Why won’t they stop for me, for us?”

When you stay stuck in that loop, addiction wins.

But when you start to understand and really accept that your loved one’s addiction has nothing to do with you—that their addiction is a disease that’s affecting their brain and leading the way, that your loved one is lost and their addiction is taking them over—that’s how you get your power back and start to do things differently.

Understand the addiction.
Understand the ways you have become caught up in the family disease.
Do things differently.

Two things will happen: you will get better. And so will your loved one.

I saw it first hand with the first family support group I facilitated. Nine months into teaching the families what was really going on with their loved ones and why they were doing what they were doing, I looked around the room and realized the loved one of every family member there was sober.

I see it every day with the families in our group programs who have taken back their lives from the hurt, pain, and confusion addiction had caused them.

The treatment centers we work with are seeing it too. Of the families who regularly attend the groups we facilitate for these treatment centers, 100% of their loved ones are completing their treatment programs rather than leaving early against clinical advice.

If you’re ready to dive in, here are all the ways you can get involved:

• Join our free online community, Friends of Tipping Point, for free resources, weekly live discussions, and community support.
• Take our introductory Stop the Chaos training to learn the core principles of our family-centered recovery framework and start taking action today.
• Book a consultation to discuss our family group programs and private services to see which would be the best fit for you.

And if there’s a treatment center you know of that you’d like us to partner with so we can provide family education and support for the families of their clients, send them an email or give them a call and say

“I’d like to introduce you to Kate Duffy, who can help you keep more patients in treatment longer.”

Your loved one can recover.
You can recover.

And together we can become stronger than the addiction.