The highest point of relapse is between treatment and home.
Did you know that? Why do you think that is?
It isn’t because treatment didn’t “work.” It’s because treatment is not recovery.
Treatment is only the beginning.
I hear all the time from families, “My loved one has gone to treatment five (or ten or twenty) times, and they just keep relapsing.”
There’s a misconception when it comes to addiction that going to treatment is going to fix the problem. That once someone goes to treatment, if they “want it” enough, that should be the end. After treatment is over, they should be able to stay well.
But treatment is not recovery.
What’s the difference between treatment and recovery?
Treatment, which is most commonly detox and/or inpatient or outpatient rehabilitation, is the first step toward recovery. It is where someone gets medically supported to withdraw from a substance. It’s where they begin to understand what they were using the drug or alcohol for. It’s where they begin to acquire new tools to live without the substance they have come to rely on.
Getting sober is fairly simple. Staying sober is hard work.
Recovery is the journey of learning to live life free from the need to use. A lot of work needs to go into being able to do this.
Recovery begins when treatment ends.
For most people, one visit to treatment is not enough to learn the new tools and skills they need to stick to a recovery path. It takes the brain upwards of one year to start to heal and rewire the pathways addiction hijacked, and most treatment programs only last 90 days.
Patients are thrust from the safe, controlled bubble of a treatment facility—where all they have to focus on is their recovery—back into the real world where they are unpracticed at knowing how to manage. They once again have a job, rent or mortgage and medical bills, relationships to navigate, nevermind all the feelings about the harm that’s been done, the shame and guilt and hurt to face.
Getting into treatment is the easy part. It’s what comes after that’s hard.
Families focus so much on getting their loved ones into treatment (as you should!), but where the system fails is in not educating you on what comes after.
When your loved ones come home, they’re overwhelmed, and you don’t know how to support them. You don’t know how to support yourself. You don’t know what relapse means in the greater context of recovery and how to respond to those relapses.
You’re still in the dark, and it leaves you hurt, angry, and scared.
When your loved one goes to treatment, so should you.
Your loved one needs time and space to heal, and so do you.
They need guidance on learning about this disease and gaining the tools to manage it, and so do you.
They need a support system in place to turn to when things get rocky, and so do you.
Recovery is a forever journey—for the addict and the family.
In order to best help your loved one achieve lasting success, you need to be able to achieve lasting wellness for yourself. You need to walk your own recovery path.
Tipping Point Recovery is here to help you do just that.
Our programs are essentially outpatient treatment for families. We teach you what your loved one is learning in treatment so you can not only understand what is required to stay sober, but so you can be better equipped to navigate if (or more likely, when) your loved one relapses.
Because they probably will relapse, but that doesn’t mean their treatment failed. It just means there’s still more they need.
Here’s where you can start:
- Get my book, Dear Family, Why Your Loved One Won’t Accept Help and How To Help Them Anyway. It’s a comprehensive outline of our Dear Family Framework.
- Join our Stop the Chaos training to help you integrate the teachings into your own practice.
- Book a connection call to explore how we might help your family.
Share with me in the comments, what do you think the biggest challenge is for your loved one when they get home from treatment? What is the biggest challenge for you during that time?
Their friends ( who are often / mostly other addicts are out in the community still doing their substance. So in order to fit back in to their emotional support system ( ironically ( not really ) other addicts- they need to participate in bonding rituals which often include the consumption of drugs and alcohol. It is their comfort zone. This is their peer group – their family. How to replace or substitute that with another way of being in the world is the challenge of any recovery program. I don’t know the answer but I do know that AA and NA which to me are both spiritual programs have been very helpful. I speak as a family member with a broken spirit – not an addict. I agree that a 90 day program is not enough time to change the brains wiring. Thank you for what you do ! I know it makes a difference. But there is much more work to be done to help society realize that stigma and Shame are the two things most in need of recovering and healing from. Thank you for the opportunity to share my two cents worth. Godspeed and Shalom !
This is a good email. XOXO
Thank you Maedon!