Thanksgiving is this week, and with the holiday season officially kicking off, I wanted to share a podcast interview I did last year where I was asked, “What are the five things I would tell families to do around the holidays?”

Here is the episode if you want to listen.

The question really got me thinking, because my initial response was, “Well, the same five things I would tell families to do every day.”

I’m going to share what those five things are here, some of which are more specific to the holidays, but all of which tie back to our larger methodology that we’ve developed through our work with hundreds of families over the last several years.

The Top 5 Things I Tell Families To Do Around The Holidays

1. Understand there’s a solution

There’s a way out. It’s likely not what you think, and it’s not intuitive. It’s also not a quick fix. But there is a long-term, sustainable path of recovery for you, your loved one, and your entire family. You don’t have to keep living this way. There is something you can do to change the situation.

If you want to understand what that solution is, the best place to start is with my book, Dear Family, Why Your Loved One Won’t Accept Help and How To Help Them Anyway. It’s a comprehensive outline of our Dear Family Framework that offers an inside look at addiction and uncovers the essential role families play in the recovery process.

2. Understand (the root of) Addiction

This is one of our framework’s core components, and one of my favorite ways for families to gain this understanding—especially around the holidays—is by going to open AA meetings. Unlike closed AA meetings, which are intended only for those who identify as the alcoholics, open AA meetings can be attended by family and friends as well.

If you’re wondering what the holidays are like for your loved one, find an open meeting in your area and attend it around the holidays. Listen to what those in recovery say about what the holidays are like for them. Listen to how the recovery journey is different for every person. And listen to how even the most hopeless of stories can still lead to recovery. 

I can’t recommend it enough.

3. Learn your part

I’ve talked before in Facebook lives about how the components of the Dear Family Framework stem from the Serenity Prayer. Understanding addiction is part of accepting the things you cannot change. Learning your part is gaining the courage to change the things you can. Because ultimately, the only thing you have the power to change is yourself.

You can’t change addiction, but you can change your response to it. You can change your feelings around it. You can change what you do about it.

So what is your response to your current situation? How do you feel about it? What can you do to change those things in order to create a new outcome? That’s something you can work on in Al-Anon, at Adult Child of Alcoholics, with a therapist, or here at Tipping Point Recovery. Our weekly online Double Circle Meeting is a great place to start.

4. Walk your path (and guide them to theirs)

Here’s where the wisdom to know the difference comes in: knowing what’s your path and what’s your loved one’s. Staying grounded in your own path so they can find theirs. Walking alongside each other, still in connection, but without tripping each other up or getting caught in each other’s chaos. 

You can’t walk their path for them. You can’t drag them down it, no matter how hard you may try. But you can guide them, by walking a path of your own and leading the way.

5. Believe that you can, and believe that they can

Believe in yourself. Believe you can do hard things (what you’re doing right now is hard, so I know you can). Believe that your loved one can find recovery. Believe that anyone can.

If you can’t believe those things right now, instead wonder what it would be like if you could. 

What would believing in yourself or your loved one feel like? 

What would you lose in trying it? What would you gain? What would you need to be able to do it?

I promise if you work these five things a little bit every day, every week, you’ll change. And you’ll feel better. Just like the families in our programs feel better.

If you have any questions about the five things I mentioned, drop a comment below or email me at hello@tippingpointrecovery.com. I’ll happily expand on any of what I’ve shared today in a future Facebook live.

You can also follow me on TikTok, where I regularly go live and would love to connect.

Share with me below, what is the hardest part of the holidays for you? What is the best part? Let us support each other going into what is no doubt an emotional time for many.