“She ‘just’ needs to….”
UGH. It’s all I hear these days. My wife/husband/daughter/son/etc. “just” needs to do x, y, z.
Trust me, I get the frustration of someone who isn’t willing to do what you know they should do, but here is the hard truth:
They have a brain disorder.
Brain. Dis-Order. Brain. Out of order.
Of course, they do need to be willing to do something. That is true. So, what ACTUALLY creates a willingness to get sober?
Let me bring you inside my office for a minute…
A new client of mine recently sent me the text message below. She just joined our family recovery membership. She is the sister of an addict.
My friends, THIS is what creates willingness for your loved one to get sober.
Most people think…
They “just” need to get a job.
They “just” need to get rid of that girlfriend/boyfriend.
They “just” need to get their sh*t together.
They “just” need to stop.
Wouldn’t your life be so much better if THEY just did the things you wanted them to do? Seriously though, wouldn’t all of us be happier if those around us didn’t keep doing frustrating things?
But being able to do this list of things above is only simple for people who DO NOT have a brain disorder.
(Side bar—I think we need to stop calling this addiction and start calling it what it really is: a brain disorder)
This text message from my client is what will create the willingness your loved one ACTUALLY NEEDS. You can manufacture willingness. How do I know this?
I see it Every. Single. Day.
So, consider this an invitation to stop spiraling in the chaos that someone’s addiction is creating in your life. An invitation to learn how to create the willingness and end the “wanting someone to change so you can feel better” cycle you are in and let me help you feel better first SO THEY will change!
That’s what happens when you start to create change. Even baby steps.
They have to change if you change. It’s the law of cause and effect.
Now, let’s go!
P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about the programs we offer at Tipping Point™ and how we can support you, let’s chat.
P.P.S. My client references in her text, “Why doesn’t the world know about you and this?” To which I replied: Because in order to offer this to the world, I need a strong foundation, a super strong and big team, and all hands on deck to really help more. I won’t drop anyone, so growing carefully and mindfully is my mantra.
“When I first called Kate, I referred to my brother as a lying manipulative jerk! I now can comfortably say that my love for him is unconditional yet my support of him is conditional. I will not support his addiction in any way. I feel so free and he is in treatment.” – A Sister
“It’s so hard to shake these enabling habits that had become my way of being without a community and Kate to guide me. I love this community and honestly can’t imagine my life without everyone here.” – A Mom
“When I mind my own business and stay in my lane, I recover. When I mind someone else’s business and go into their lane, I am blocking their potential to learn and grow. Kate works in such a unique way and I love all that I am learning.” – A Dad
“I was at a point in my life where I thought I had to put up with living with an alcoholic and I felt that I was dying slowly. I had lost myself to his addiction. Today, I pause when agitated, I pause when I’m needing to make a decision and today, I have a decision-making framework. We are all sober!” – A Wife
“We are all working with Kate as a family unit while he is in treatment. Kate has taught us how important it is that we recover as a family unit. We had no idea how important our role is in this and that when he comes home, he needs to come home to a family that supports and understands ‘recovery language’.”
“When I took my son to the emergency room to try to get him into a program, the nurse was unable to find a bed. Someone called Kate Duffy and within minutes of her arrival she had calmed me down, gotten my son centered and found a bed! It was like an angel showed up with a miracle.”
“Thank you for providing us the comfort and support we need. Your guidance for us to know what to say, at every turn, is saving our family.”
“I don’t know where our son would be today without Kate.”
“Kate always seems to know just what to say.”
“We call Kate our special Angel.”
“My husband and I do not know where we would be or where our daughter would be, if it was not for Kate and Recovery Coaching.”
“Thank you so much for your quick and effective work getting our son into treatment. We are so very grateful!”