We just completed our very first beta Stop the Chaos Study Group, and I’ve been deep into studying the results to see what we can do to make the next one even better (more details on the next one in a minute!).
The goal of the study group was to provide live support to those who purchased our Stop the Chaos video training, which gives you immediate access to six hours of video content, plus a PDF workbook.
What we found was on average only about 30% of the people who purchase Stop the Chaos actually complete the training. The other 60% tend to watch 1-3 videos and stop (if they watch any of the videos at all).
Here’s where it gets interesting…
Did you know that of the 30 million people struggling with substance use disorder (SUD), only about 11% access treatment? And of that 11%, around 40% don’t complete treatment.
I have to say that again.
40% of people do not complete treatment.
So what I discovered is a similar percentage of families leave treatment early, just like the addict leaves treatment early.
Why do you think that is?
My hope was last month’s study group would change those numbers a bit. Because the other data we’ve found is that when families are in treatment while their loved ones are in treatment, 100% of their loved ones complete their treatment programs, and a good number of them go on to aftercare and long-term recovery.
With this first round of the study group, we had 13 people register, and 6 attended the live sessions. That’s about a 46% completion rate.
Here’s what participants who attended had to say:
“I loved the study group, I miss it already.”
“I’m a changed person.”
“It helped me be accountable to actually watch the trainings.”
“It felt so good to be with others—some ahead of me and some just starting out. I felt so not alone.”
“I learned real tools, I’m using them and they really work!!”
“What you taught me to say to my loved one was a game changer.”
“I learn by talking things out, so that helped me a lot.”
“I am ready to fire myself as the ‘case manager’ for my family!”
We’re running the Study Group again, and my goal is to have even more people show up.
It starts March 7, 2024 and will run for one month (4 live sessions total). The group is still in beta, meaning we’re actively seeking feedback on what worked and what didn’t so we can improve it going forward. It also means the study group is currently free to participate in for anyone who registers for Stop the Chaos.
There are three main changes we’ve made to this round:
1. My book will be available to you. This means you’ll have access to the Stop the Chaos video trainings, the book (which covers all the material included in Stop the Chaos, but with even greater detail), and the live sessions over zoom.
2. Improved delivery structure. There will still be time in the sessions for personal shares, but with a bit more structure to make sure we all get the most out of it possible.
3. An MVP guest. One of Tipping Point’s current MVP students will be attending all four live sessions with me to offer valuable insights from her own experience with the material.
How do you sign up?
If you’d like to join us for this next beta round, your first step is to register for Stop the Chaos through this link and make sure to check the box indicating you want to participate in the study group. You’ll receive immediate access to the Stop the Chaos videos, which I encourage you to start watching right away. We’ll reach out with the full study group details leading up to March 7.
When you join, you’ll also be entered for a chance to win a 1-hour strategy session with me for personalized support.
Have you already taken Stop the Chaos?
If you’ve bought Stop the Chaos before and haven’t continued on to one of our other programs, you are welcome to join us in the study group! Email our team at email@example.com to let us know you’d like to participate, and we’ll make sure you get the details.
The results speak for themselves…
Here’s what others have said about this training:
“I have been fighting myself all week on why I don’t want to get up in the morning and face another day. I am usually much more positive. I need my power back! I am detoxing from feeling powerless/helpless.”
“What’s landing for me is that I can stop being a case manager – I want to detox from that job! I realized I am a case manager for all my kids and my ex-husband (still!).”
“I’m learning new and better ways to support and respond to my family members impacted by addiction.”
“I’m detoxing from offering and agreeing to financing the insanity of addiction.”
“I am so glad a friend recommended me here. So much better than what I had found so far.”
“I’m going to detox from taking on the responsibility of their well-being. Yikes.”
How would your life change if you had targeted support for four weeks? If you had tools and resources to put into action? Renewed strength from others in the group sharing this journey with you?
It’s all about strengthening ourselves on the inside in order to change our action on the outside, so we can get better results.
I’m here for you, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes. Because I know your loved one can recover.
Register for Stop the Chaos here, and let’s get started together.
Last week was the 11th anniversary of the death of a very special young man who lost his life at the young age of 18.
His name was Brian Hoeflinger. He was a star student, a great friend, and an all around kind-hearted person who was driving his car when he died.
He was drunk.
A year later, his dad wrote a book called, “The Night He Died,” and I want to share a passage from it. It’s a section that came straight from Brian’s journal:
“Last year during the positive direction week in high school, a man came into our school with Dr. Brickman. He came to talk about the dangers of alcohol. He had been in a car crash because he drove a car after drinking alcohol. He was in a coma for a while and he almost died. He had to admit his mistakes in front of all of us.
He talked about a horrible thing in his past. Since driving while drunk is illegal, he had to do various community services as a consequence. I think it would be humiliating to talk about a bad experience in your life. In his case, I think he had turned this bad experience into a positive inspiration to influence others. He definitely had an impact on me.
I believe many others were also impacted by his words. This man is one reason I will never drive drunk. His past experience shows me how dangerous alcohol can be and has influenced me and others not to drive after having alcohol.
I think he had to be brave to go in front of an audience and talk about something he did wrong years ago. He’s used this experience to educate others about the dangers of alcohol, he’s making a positive change in some people teaching them not to drive after drinking alcohol.
I can use qualities like his to change my world. If I see something I don’t like in my world, all I have to do is try to change it. Once I put forth an effort to change it, I have already started to make a positive change. So when I see something that is wrong, all I have to do is try to change it positively, and I’m already making the world just a little bit better.”
Months after writing this, Brian drove drunk and died.
He knew it was dangerous.
He knew it was illegal.
He knew what the consequences could be.
And yet he drove drunk.
Because knowing is not enough.
I can promise you Brian did not choose to drive that night. I know this because when he was driving drunk, so was I.
I got sober a few months after he died.
And what I learned is that once I put a drink in me, I am not at choice. The ability to make the choice to stop and not drive vanished. It was like my brain was offline and unable to make the decision to not do it once I had started.
It was the same for Brian, otherwise why would he write this in his journal only months before? Why would he insist he would never drive drunk and then turn around and do just that?
It’s because once he was drunk, he wasn’t able to make the choice not to. Drinking impacts your brain in a way that it shuts off your rational thinking. There are those banners on the highway that say things like, “Think twice before you get behind the wheel,” but we’re not thinking when we’re drinking. Our thinker has been shut off.
At the end of my drinking, the amount I drove drunk scared me. Because I didn’t know I shouldn’t be driving.
I thought I was OK. I thought “I’m so close to home.”
The next day when I woke up I was certainly aware of what I had done.
It terrified me…yet, I did it again. And again. I could not stop, and I was far too afraid and too ashamed to talk about it.
What I want for the world and especially for families to understand is this:
It doesn’t work to tell people who are drinking to stop driving drunk.
It doesn’t work to tell a drunk person to not do it.
People who are drunk aren’t able to just stop.
It is not a choice.
We have to find a better way.
And the way to do that is to take this knowledge and put it into action.
If you want to learn how to take this knowledge and integrate it into how you respond to your loved one, how you speak to someone who’s struggling, how to offer them real help (even if they say they don’t want it), the first thing to do is to join our training.
It’s called Stop the Chaos, and it’s a 6-part video training that gives you the knowledge and a bunch of tools to start making changes in your and your loved one’s lives. And if you join in the next few weeks, you can participate in our upcoming live study group, starting March 7, 2024.
We added the study group (kind of like a support group), and we meet on Zoom once a week to help integrate the training materials into our lives.
One participant from the last study group said:
- “I loved the study group. I miss it already!”
- “I got wisdom from everyone.”
- “Things stick with me more when I can talk it out and hear others’ shares.”
- “I had some accountability to actually watch the training because of the study group.”
I know it’s not easy. I’m asking you to create change because they can’t.
But when you change, they will. And with this study group, you don’t have to make that change alone.
Finally, if you want to read “The Night He Died,” you can get the book and learn more about Brian at https://www.brianmatters.com/.
“She ‘just’ needs to….”
UGH. It’s all I hear these days. My wife/husband/daughter/son/etc. “just” needs to do x, y, z.
Trust me, I get the frustration of someone who isn’t willing to do what you know they should do, but here is the hard truth:
They have a brain disorder.
Brain. Dis-Order. Brain. Out of order.
Of course, they do need to be willing to do something. That is true. So, what ACTUALLY creates a willingness to get sober?
Let me bring you inside my office for a minute…
A new client of mine recently sent me the text message below. She just joined our family recovery membership. She is the sister of an addict.
My friends, THIS is what creates willingness for your loved one to get sober.
Most people think…
They “just” need to get a job.
They “just” need to get rid of that girlfriend/boyfriend.
They “just” need to get their sh*t together.
They “just” need to stop.
Wouldn’t your life be so much better if THEY just did the things you wanted them to do? Seriously though, wouldn’t all of us be happier if those around us didn’t keep doing frustrating things?
But being able to do this list of things above is only simple for people who DO NOT have a brain disorder.
(Side bar—I think we need to stop calling this addiction and start calling it what it really is: a brain disorder)
This text message from my client is what will create the willingness your loved one ACTUALLY NEEDS. You can manufacture willingness. How do I know this?
I see it Every. Single. Day.
So, consider this an invitation to stop spiraling in the chaos that someone’s addiction is creating in your life. An invitation to learn how to create the willingness and end the “wanting someone to change so you can feel better” cycle you are in and let me help you feel better first SO THEY will change!
That’s what happens when you start to create change. Even baby steps.
They have to change if you change. It’s the law of cause and effect.
Now, let’s go!
P.S. If you’re interested in learning more about the programs we offer at Tipping Point™ and how we can support you, let’s chat.
P.P.S. My client references in her text, “Why doesn’t the world know about you and this?” To which I replied: Because in order to offer this to the world, I need a strong foundation, a super strong and big team, and all hands on deck to really help more. I won’t drop anyone, so growing carefully and mindfully is my mantra.
“When I first called Kate, I referred to my brother as a lying manipulative jerk! I now can comfortably say that my love for him is unconditional yet my support of him is conditional. I will not support his addiction in any way. I feel so free and he is in treatment.” – A Sister
“It’s so hard to shake these enabling habits that had become my way of being without a community and Kate to guide me. I love this community and honestly can’t imagine my life without everyone here.” – A Mom
“When I mind my own business and stay in my lane, I recover. When I mind someone else’s business and go into their lane, I am blocking their potential to learn and grow. Kate works in such a unique way and I love all that I am learning.” – A Dad
“I was at a point in my life where I thought I had to put up with living with an alcoholic and I felt that I was dying slowly. I had lost myself to his addiction. Today, I pause when agitated, I pause when I’m needing to make a decision and today, I have a decision-making framework. We are all sober!” – A Wife
“We are all working with Kate as a family unit while he is in treatment. Kate has taught us how important it is that we recover as a family unit. We had no idea how important our role is in this and that when he comes home, he needs to come home to a family that supports and understands ‘recovery language’.”
“When I took my son to the emergency room to try to get him into a program, the nurse was unable to find a bed. Someone called Kate Duffy and within minutes of her arrival she had calmed me down, gotten my son centered and found a bed! It was like an angel showed up with a miracle.”
“Thank you for providing us the comfort and support we need. Your guidance for us to know what to say, at every turn, is saving our family.”
“I don’t know where our son would be today without Kate.”
“Kate always seems to know just what to say.”
“We call Kate our special Angel.”
“My husband and I do not know where we would be or where our daughter would be, if it was not for Kate and Recovery Coaching.”
“Thank you so much for your quick and effective work getting our son into treatment. We are so very grateful!”