A friend texted me about how much discomfort she is feeling physically in her body, as well as in her mind and her heart, because she just set a boundary.
The first thing I want to say to her? Yeah…that makes sense.
Boundaries are tricky, and setting a boundary and changing the way you interact with a person can often be uncomfortable because the person on the receiving end of the boundary doesn’t always take it well. They may get upset, they may get defensive, and your dynamic with them will likely change.
Change of any kind can be uncomfortable.
Which is why the other thing I want to say to her is I’m So Glad!
I’m happy you’re uncomfortable because it means you’re creating change.
Setting a boundary and stepping into the discomfort of that change means you’ve decided to stop abandoning yourself.
That’s huge.
When we allow mistreatment, when we allow a behavior to continue with someone that we’re in relationship with, we are part of that. We wish we could say that they’re the ones who just need to change and put it all on their shoulders, but the truth is, if we’re really honest with ourselves, we’re part of that dynamic. We’re part of that interaction.
Where our power lies is in recognizing that wishing someone else would change is us not looking at ourselves.
You have the power to change your part in the dynamic.
And that change will almost certainly be uncomfortable.
The important thing to keep in mind, though, is—isn’t what you’re going through now uncomfortable?
When you love an alcoholic or an addict and you’re caught up in their chaos, it’s uncomfortable. It’s maddening. It’s frustrating.
What you get to decide is whether you want to stay in that old, familiar discomfort, or whether you want to embrace the new discomfort of change.
The good news is you don’t have to embrace it alone.
That’s what community is for. To hold you and stand by you as you move in that discomfort. Whether it’s a 12 Step community, our Double Circle Meeting, our Friends of Tipping Point online community, or something else, community can offer the strength and comfort to deal with the uncomfortable and help us move through change.
If you’re ready to create change in your own situation, I invite you to join me on Sunday, October 27th for our free masterclass:
“The Dear Family Method: How to Offer Healthy Help and Give My Loved One The Absolute Best Chance of Success (While Getting My Life Back in the Process!)”
I’ll be sharing a powerful approach to support your loved one while maintaining your own well-being and give practical steps to help you work through the discomfort of making recovery-oriented decisions and breaking unhealthy family patterns.
Tell me below, have you created any change recently that has led to discomfort? How did you move through it?
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