Someone commented on one of my recent TikTok lives that they are finding it difficult balancing their own self-care while supporting their loved one’s treatment.
The first thing I want to say to this is…
Yeah, makes sense. It is difficult to balance your own self-care while supporting your loved one’s treatment. It feels hard because it is.
Early recovery is very tender, for both the person in recovery and their loved ones.
It will get easier. Stay committed.
The other thing I want to point out is that…
What you as the family are experiencing is very much a mirror to what your loved one is experiencing.
Your loved one would probably say something like, “I’m finding it difficult to balance not drinking with all the things in life I have to manage.”
Your journeys are parallel.
We all want ease.
It takes a lot of time, work, and commitment to get to a place where recovery feels easy.
Recovery is really hard. Especially early recovery.
What helps families is understanding your addicted loved one’s recovery journey. When you see how hard it is for you, let that be a window into how hard it is for them.
You are both learning to do hard things.
You are both learning to do everything differently.
You are both capable of it.
And letting your loved one see that you are struggling and doing the hard thing anyway is a great way to connect with them. Sharing that it’s hard for you too will actually share the load a little, let them know you get it.
That may look like telling them you’re going to your own meeting (try our Double Circle Meeting if you’re looking for one). It may be telling them you’ve become unwell and are committed to getting better. It may be telling them you are trying to understand the illness of addiction. That you have things you want to recover from as well.
There’s no cheat code to make this easier. There’s no magic wand I can wave or single tip I can give you to make the hard parts go away. Everyone’s journey is different.
But know that…
1) You can do hard things.
2) Taking care of yourself is supporting your loved one’s recovery.
If you’re looking for more ways to support yourself (and your loved one), I’ll be sharing an exciting opportunity later this week (if you attended my masterclass yesterday, you already got a sneak peek!).
In the meantime, here’s where I suggest you start:
- Get my book, Dear Family, Why Your Loved One Won’t Accept Help and How To Help Them Anyway. It’s a comprehensive outline of our Dear Family Framework.
- Sign up for our weekly Double Circle Meeting to heal in community with others.
- Book a connection call to explore how we might help your family.
If you don’t already, you can also follow me on TikTok where I regularly go live to share more family recovery teachings.
Let me know in the comments, what has been most helpful for you in balancing your own self-care with your loved one’s recovery? Or if you’re still struggling, what has been the hardest part?
Yes, Kate this is exactly where my husband and I sit. Bewildered! It’s been 16 months and we have been working the program, but without our son. He has basically excluded us from his life with our grandkids. It’s complicated, but we have renewed our vows to go harder than ever. Thank you for all you do to help us.