How I Hid My Addiction From My Loved Ones For Years

March 13, 2023
An old photo of Kate with four other people, and Kate is standing in the back so all you can see is her head.

This memory recently showed up on my feed from 11 years ago. It was four months before I got sober, and what struck me when I looked at this picture was just how good I was at fooling anyone who cared about me about what I was really feeling inside. 

Would you know from looking at this photo that I was on a passive suicide mission?

Would you know that I was already intoxicated here even though this was earlier in the day? 

That’s because by this point, I needed to drink every single day in order to get up. In order to not shake. In order to just get by.

I was really good at not letting you know what was really going on.

I also did not understand what was happening to me.

I was terrified, lonely, and confused. 

And I was angry at anyone that tried to care. Not because I didn’t love you, but because I didn’t love me. 

That means I was mean to those I love. 

My anger had nothing to do with you. It was entirely my problem, but I had zero coping skills and very poor emotional regulation. 

Today, I’m not hiding in the back.

I’m out front and I want the world to know someone you love might be suffering silently inside. 

Please talk about it. Whether with a friend, a therapist, at an AA or Al-Anon meeting, or at our weekly Double Circle meeting

Find somewhere that you feel safe to share. You can always reach out to me at I’m here to help you talk about it.

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