I hear it all the time…
“I can’t sleep.”
“I missed work to bail them out.”
“I’m feeling totally overwhelmed.”
“She just keeps calling me.”
These are exactly the sorts of instances where a healthy boundary can make all the difference.
Not to keep your loved one out, but to keep enough of you in.
Remember, a boundary is not about your loved one. It’s about YOU.
A boundary is created by you identifying something you are doing that is no longer serving you. The simplest way to start is by asking yourself these questions:
- What am I doing that I want to stop?
- How is it making me feel to not stop it?
- What do I seek instead?
- Why do I want this?
Your answers to these questions become your boundary. (Bonus tip: boundaries should always be made up of “I” statements…remember, this is about changing something you are doing, not them.)
It can be daunting to set a boundary, and it’s normal to be nervous about how the person you are setting the boundary with will respond, but keep this in mind…
A young man I worked with once said this to me:
“I want my parents to care more about my recovery than my feelings.”
If you’re afraid your boundary is going to hurt someone’s feelings, imagine this man. He wanted to live. He wanted his parents to stop doing for him. He knew when his parents stopped doing for him, he’d learn to do for himself.
Today he is thriving. And so are his parents. I share this for you because it’s been a powerful reminder of why we want to create change.
Because our loved ones can’t just yet.
But we can.
Take it from the families in our programs who send us messages like these:
“I truly think that this is happening because of Kate Duffy’s program. Through me we are learning how to deal with addiction and know it is a disease but boundaries need to be placed…this is a testimony to how GREAT this program is!”Maria, Mom
“I’ve stuck to everything I have learned and cannot believe the amount of knowledge, guidance, and friendships I’ve gained.”Lori, Sister
“My husband and I had a really nice visit with my son today. He took us around town and actually asked questions about our lives. I can’t remember the last time that happened!”Lauren, Mom
“Recovery man. It can be magical.”Lindsay, Wife
Our clients all arrived to us in disbelief at first that making the changes we were suggesting would work, but they’ll be the first to tell you now how much they did work.
Try it out and let me know the difference it makes for you.
And keep in mind support is available if you want it. Connect with me here.
P.S. If you are finding this series helpful, stay tuned for more teachings, tips, and insights from me in the future. In the meantime, you can check out our YouTube channel here to learn more about Tipping Point™ Recovery, our clients, and the work we do.