“God, did I hate Kate.”
That’s what a client, now in recovery, said about me at my book event.
A few years ago, his wife had joined our group program and hired Tipping Point Recovery to do an intervention, and the part of him that wanted to keep drinking—his addiction—hated it.
“I love Kate now, but God did I hate Kate at that point,” he shared with the event attendees. “It was like someone on the other team having the playbook. And every time I’d be like, ‘Alright, I’m gonna do this, and it’s gonna work,’ [my wife] would be like, ‘I’m gonna pull this defense now, because I see what you’re doing.’…It was the worst.”
More than one client’s loved one has expressed similar feelings. One person even called Tipping Point Recovery a cult. They hated me helping their families while they were active in their addiction, because all the tricks they used to keep drinking and drugging—the lying and denying and manipulating the addiction drove them to do—no longer worked.
I removed their families as a resource for their addiction, and they didn’t like it.
But as this client’s husband also shared, it’s the thing that helped him get sober.
“It was like a firebreak that prevented the fire from spreading from one side to the other. At some point you have to be there for yourself or else you allow that fire to spread to everyone in your entire family. If you don’t do that for yourself, you can’t be there for the other person, and you’re just going down with the ship.
“If it wasn’t for Kate getting my family to draw that line, I wouldn’t be here for my boys, I wouldn’t be here for other veterans, I wouldn’t be here for any of you guys…I wouldn’t be here without Kate.”
My mission is to arm every family with addiction’s playbook. I want you to understand exactly what your loved one’s addiction is trying to do so you can know how to stop supporting it and start supporting recovery instead.
Here’s how to start:
- Get my book, Dear Family, Why Your Loved One Won’t Accept Help and How To Help Them Anyway. It’s a comprehensive outline of our Dear Family Framework.
- 1-1 Coaching. Kate has space for 2 new private clients this month. 1-1 coaching allows for specialized, custom support and guidance to accelerate your recovery goals for yourself and your loved one.
Chances are, your loved one will hate me for the changes you create, and I’ll welcome it. Because it means you are making it harder for their addiction to thrive.
And the part of your loved one that does want to get better? They’ll be grateful.
Tell me in the comments, has your loved one ever said they hated me or Tipping Point Recovery? Have they expressed dislike of the recovery work you’re doing? (If so, it likely means it’s working.)
No yet! But looking forward to it!🙏🏻
No, my loved one has not said he hates Stopping Point. I’m new and I just mentioned it to him the other day. I said I would share tools with him I’m going to be learning in this new program and he welcomed the idea. He wants to get sober.. but is unable to. Only when he is incarcerated is he sober. He’s in jail right now for 10 mo’s..this time. He says when he gets out .he keeps gonna ng back to the drug and doesn’t want to..but does. I was reading an article..”. Biology of Addiction…Drugs and alcohol can Hijack Your brain” My son has been addicted to crack cocaine for twenty years. He also has a mental issue .of schizophrenia. He is on monthly injections so that is stabilized Please help me and him !!. Thank you
Speaking of firewalls, coincidentally, my companion received fire prevention blankets and extinguishers in the mail today. Might it be a symbolic message from the universe? I’ve also been using the word ship to describe my situation as you did above. I’ve been saying to myself, ” We’ve been paddling a ship with a leak while trying to keep it from sinking for 12 years. My companion just plugged the leak. Now we’re trying to clean up the water damage and dry the sails.
The truth is he’s sober over 90 days after 12 years of mostly being drunk. I ran our own, one-woman mental health and rehab facility for him. He did not use AA to get sober. I did not attend Al- anon. Perhaps being forced to attend rehab by the courts, to get weekly alcohol testing, and attending a state mandated ongoing class on emotional intelligence, made an impact.
I did not intend to, nor mean to run a one-woman rehab and mental health facility for so long. I just kept doing the next task in front of me and what needed to get done. There was always so much to occupy my time because he was so sick from alcoholism.
Now, I have to, or ‘get to’ ( rolling my eyes) unwind my own issues and I’m not pleased. I hate it in a similar way to the man in Kate’s above post. My companion is recovering but I have not yet recovered from my issues ( which are not an addiction to substances) I’ve got such a big mess of my own to heal. I avoided my own issues by taking care of another person whose emotional pain was worse than mine.
Perhaps I can find some compassion for myself especially when compassion is what I’m wishing others would give to me. Thanks for ‘ listening.’ Sincerely, Casandra