One of the big things I teach families who are looking to help their loved ones recover is the importance of staying in your own lane.

What does it mean to stay in your lane?

I’ll never forget this one time when I was early in my recovery and working 1-on-1 with people. I was at an AA meeting when one of them texted me, and I got up to leave.

My sponsor grabbed my shirt sleeve and said, “Never leave your recovery meeting to go help someone.”

My sponsor knew that if I sacrificed my own wellness and recovery in an attempt to help someone else, I’d end up not able to help anyone at all.

That’s what families are doing when you leave your own lane.

Sometimes it’s by giving money for things you actually need the money for yourselves. Or it’s by leaving work to take your loved one somewhere when it’s not in your best interest to leave your job that day.

It’s jumping into the hole with your loved one to try to lift them on your shoulders without knowing the way out, without realizing it’s in the climbing out that they recover.

Helping your loved one in a way that is not good for you is actually not good for them either.

Becoming unwell yourself will not get them well.

Becoming healthy and grounded in your own recovery is what will allow you to offer the kind of help that is actually helpful.

Have you sacrificed your own wellness in an attempt to help your loved one?

If so, you’re not alone. Learning to find your lane and offer healthy help from within it is probably the most challenging skill for families to develop. It doesn’t happen overnight.

My book, Dear Family, Why Your Loved One Won’t Accept Help and How to Help Them Anyway, is a great place to start.

I dive into more detail on what your lane is, how to find it, and how to recognize when you may no longer be in it. Get it here.

Even better, join me October 6th for my author event & book signing to learn more about why I wrote this book and how it can help you help your loved one! The event will take place at Bull Run Restaurant in Shirley, MA, but you can still attend virtually if you aren’t local!

Get your tickets here (click on a table in the seating chart to select your ticket type, even for live stream only).

Share with me in the comments…have you ever “left your recovery meeting to help someone”? Have you learned to stop, or do you still struggle with putting other people’s needs before your own?