I knew exactly how to get my family to do what I wanted them to do when I was active in my addiction.

They were either an obstacle for me or a resource: an obstacle I needed to get past in order to drink or a resource I could use to keep doing what I was doing.

Of course it wasn’t always like this. Only as my addiction progressed was this who I became. 

I knew exactly what to say and how to act to get them to do what I needed. I’d play the victim, act sad or scared. I’d manipulate.

I didn’t do this consciously or because I was a jerk who didn’t care about them. I did it because I was becoming sicker and my addiction was leading. 

I wasn’t aware of the manipulation at first. Like everything with this disease, it’s cunning, baffling, insidious, and sneaky. It was operating beneath the surface, slipping past both my and my family’s awareness.

By the time I became aware of what I was doing, my compulsion to drink had become so great I couldn’t stop. My addiction was telling me I had to drink, as strongly as I needed to breathe, which meant I would do anything it took to make that happen. 

I came to a place where I would use any resources available to me, and I pushed through anything in the way. Even my family.

It wasn’t until my family started to learn how to not accommodate my behavior that I began to change.

When families stop allowing themselves to be resources for addiction, it usually influences their loved ones, and often into taking new action.

And when families learn to become resources for only recovery, that new action is often likely to lead their loved one toward recovery.

So then, how do you become a resource for recovery? 

I wrote a whole book to help families do just that. It’s called Dear Family, Why Your Loved One Won’t Accept Help and How to Help Them Anyway, and it breaks down my Dear Family Framework to help families

• unlock family recovery;
• recognize what’s addiction and what’s recovery
• break the cycle of chaos you’ve become stuck in as a result of your loved one’s addiction;
• learn a new way of communicating and connecting with your loved one; and
• become a resource for recovery.

Get Dear Family here, and empower yourself with the tools to become a whole new kind of resource for your loved one.

Tell me in the comments, do you think your loved one views you as an obstacle or a resource for their addiction? What about a resource for recovery?