If your loved one is currently in active addiction, you’re probably looking to connect with them in a healthy way, especially with the upcoming holidays, but you keep getting text messages from them that are nasty, hurtful, angry, and/or accusatory.
And no matter what you say back, the conversation just continues to spiral. You’re caught in this back and forth, and it’s not getting you anywhere.
I can help you reply to those text messages.
In a way that will allow you to connect with your loved one, beneath their addiction.
No matter whether you’re currently a client or not, no matter if you’ve worked with us before or are brand new to Tipping Point.
Follow These Steps
Here’s what you do the next time your loved one messages you:
Step 1. PAUSE
This is the first thing I advise all families when they find our material—stop doing everything you’ve been doing. For a minute.
You and your loved one both are caught in a cycle of chaos and suffering, and they can’t stop because they’ve got a substance controlling their brain. You don’t. Which means you can stop.
I’m not saying it will be easy for you to do. A part of your brain is hooked on this cycle too, which is why it’s continued for so long. But of the two of you, you’re the one most able to make this change.
One of my favorite tricks to help stop in the moment when it comes to text messages is to change your loved one’s contact name to “Pause” or “Don’t Reply Fast.” This way when the text comes in, you’ve got a visual reminder to do something differently.
Step 2. Don’t Reply Right Away
Instead of replying, take a screenshot of the text message and post it in the Friends of Tipping Point Facebook community. Feel free to block out any names or crop the photo to keep identities private.
Tag me in the post and say, “How do I reply to this?” I will respond in the comments with suggestions for how you could reply in a different way.
One that breaks the old, unhealthy cycle.
One that speaks to the tiny piece of them that does want to get better, that does want to do things differently.
I’ll help you look for that teeny tiny window of willingness or hope or connection, because addiction is ultimately about disconnection.
I’m going to teach you how to connect, even through a nasty or hurtful text.
Also An Option…
If you are a client currently in one of our programs, you can post your screenshot in the program’s private Facebook group if you’d prefer.
Or for anyone who would rather do it privately, you can send me a Facebook direct message (friend me first so we can use messenger).
Whichever way you feel most comfortable with is fine by me. But PLEASE know I’m here to help. All this Thanksgiving week I’ll be available to support you in this way.
Addiction and recovery are languages I am fluent in, and I promise you, when you stop speaking in one and start communicating in the other, the game can change for everyone.
See you there.